ultimate sign of trust is me handing you my laptop or phone without hesitation
(Source: starkstower)
- some bitch: omg you wore that shirt the other day
- me: yeah well in my house we have this amazing thing called a washing machine
i wanna die but maybe something cool will happen so ill stay alive for now
white girls don’t pee they *you’reinate
How do I sit in my bed for the rest of my life but also become a billionaire at the same time
(Source: saraxo.tumblah.com)
*presses clear button on calculator 12 times*
i farted in the apple store and everyone got mad but it wasnt my fault they don’t have Windows
